its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
