I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
