So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
