glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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