Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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