Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
