Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
