Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize