Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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