Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
