At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
