Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
