Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
