so explain again why im purple
no
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
