last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
