how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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