I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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