can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
