the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
