Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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