anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize