dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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