I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize