I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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