wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
