I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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