I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize