Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
