At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Soap is not a condiment
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
