Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize