I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
