Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
