??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
