Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
