I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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