do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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