Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
