Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
