If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
