Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
