im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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