I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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