She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
