i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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