Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
