OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
