i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
