I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
