Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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