My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
