this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
