I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
