just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
God I need to hump something, right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize