when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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