There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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