Pants 0. Shit 1.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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