Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
