batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
