Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
