Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize