You made me cry and you don't even care
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize