it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
