I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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