Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
