Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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