paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
