god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
