Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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