ugly people sure do ruin things
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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