One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
