I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
