So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
