I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
