i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
