The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
