We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
how does that bad decision feel?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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