no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
