Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
