The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize