I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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