so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
