You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize