i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
