theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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