We're facebook friends in real life
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
