kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
whose ass print is on the piano?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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