Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A bitchslap is in order.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
