I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
