another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
