he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
