One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
