this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
