Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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