she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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