i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
