well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
